Thursday, 24 March 2011

Go Away!

Please leave the blog now. Go on, clear off. I’m trying to establish a zero rating for viewers here and if you’ve got this far you’re not helping.
   A friend recently joked with me that now his blog has been reviewed in The Wire with comments regarding the lack of viewers of his site he has somehow trumped me. Well, I’ll point out the obvious, as I did to him, that a review in The Wire is only going to up his ‘hit’ rate. It’s self-defeating, but at least he didn’t submit his blog in an effort to grovel and get publicity.
   There are two ways to go, further towards a highly obscure niche, or out into the land of...whatever constitutes blog popularity. I’m doing neither, of course, being quite content to sit where I am and talk to you and a few others. That’s how you become a cult, you know. I said cult.
   But if I were to go super-niche, what subject would I choose? My domestic chores of the day, that might be a good one. The washing-up, how many knives, forks, plates, dishes. How much dust was encountered whilst hovering. And so on. How about what’s on my desk? A photo, yes, of the contents of my desk, every day. I give up, because I believe that for every madcap idea I could come up with it’s already being done by someone. Everything’s being done by someone somewhere on the internet, as you know.
   A friend recently asked how to get more traffic to his blog, not realising that asking me that is akin to asking Fred Goodwin how to win friends.
   You’ve probably guessed by now that I write purely for my own satisfaction because when I’m not working on prose this provides an alternative outlet for the vast amount of creative energy that wells up inside me and simply has to be released. That is partly true. I don’t actually have vast amounts of the stuff...just a small puddle, not a lake, but it has to be drained all the same otherwise it floods my brain and makes me moody.
   With your help I can stay less visible than my friend. All you have to do is clear off and tell your friends never to visit. Post all over the place about how worthless this blog is. It’s one way that I might succeed in failing to attract more readers.
   Now go away.


  1. Actually, encouraging me to tell people not to visit your blog is likely to stir more interest. Questions such as 'why should i not visit this blog?' and 'what on earth can be so dreadful about this blog that i should never visit it?' only pique one's interest. Hence defeating the object of your exercise. Unless it was a shrewd case of double-think and that was what you intended all along... In any case, I ain't going nowhere, and shall encourage my friend to do the same.

  2. Clear off! ;>) Double bluff? Me? Surely not.

  3. Wait a second - you can hover?

  4. If you must. But there are zillions of other more thrilling blogs waiting for your attention...usually with photos of babies on them... ;>)


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...