Sunday, 31 May 2015

Have You Seen David And Stuart? (K Town Collected Observations)

Who's that handsome devil over the road in the window of Earth Natural Foods? Me? Yes! Body dysmorphia? Pah! Not me. (I mostly hate close-up shots of my physog - true) -
Sat outside Meadows cafe in Kentish Town high street.....
Red van pulls in with 'AAAH Pharmaceuticals' on it's side - now that's a slogan from the 60s, surely, advertising the benefits of mind-alteration - yes?
Fit-looking woman (not 'fit' as in 'phwoar', just fit) let's the boot of her Range Rover drop slowly before jogging across the road to The Tanning Temple - for a top up? You've got to maintain a level of skin tone, haven't you? Fit. Tanned. The look of....success? Glamour? She's fit in a slightly intimidating way with already brown arms hanging from a short-sleeved t-shirt and jeans that are too tight, tight as if the she-Hulk within is about to break out of them - scalp-stretching hair in a pony tail (saves needing botox?) - perhaps she owns the damned 'temple', she's the queen of the bloody temple...queen of the K Town tanning world!
The Shih-Tzu tethered to the bike stand over the road keeps barking and a girl with a nice bod displayed in lycra pants pushes a pram past and I wonder why I'm seeing more like that these days - are there more? Or am I really just more of a 'dirty' middle-aged man who's becoming more obsessed with all that - christ - is there no escaping the dreadful delight taken by 'older' men in much younger females because all that's over now, each one we see a reminder of what was when we might have stood a chance? Oh fuck...
Warm Spring sun - waiting for a text from the Giant bike shop to tell me that mine's ready to pick up - rock hard tires - yes! and a left brake that works - that helps -
Woman (65, at least) walks past wearing a grey track suit - she's a bit old for that look but what the hell, it's a free country when it comes to criminal clothing choices -
Fat man walking fast, fag in chops, pulling a shopping trolley wearing a Chelsea FC cap - champions!
A young man's standing at my table:
   "Have you seen David and Stuart?"
   "David and Stuart, I used to work with them."
   "No, sorry."
   Sit around in K Town for more than ten minutes and you will encounter someone who's mentally unbalanced (probably true of all London, except Chelsea and Hampstead? Why not there? 'Cause they're rich? They can afford shrinks). This fellow looked sane enough but London's full of lunatics in sane clothing, right? David and Stuart...if it wasn't tragic, it would be funny.
Old man roller skates up to the Santander ATM next door - that's the spirit! All in denim - at his age! It works, I dunno why this does and the old girl in a tracksuit didn't - socio-sartorial studies class, discuss -
Clocking company names on vehicles:
             Argos...delivering value
                                                    Harlequin Dry Cleaning
                                                                                                 Farringdon Locksmiths
                                                                                                                           K&T Heating
                                                                                  Tufnells parcels Express
                                          Penta Foods
           Combi Boilers Ltd
                                                             AAA Linen Services            
                                                                                                  Lenham Storage

Text from the bike shop comes through - slurp what's left of the coffee froth - leave....


  1. Have you seen Dave? He said to meet him here.

    And try not to be "that guy", m'kay?

  2. I enjoyed that.
    Relax about the older man noticing younger females thing... I never used to understand it properly - that was, until I became an older woman and suddenly there are all these attractive young males wandering around. I too am sure there are more than there used to be.

  3. Enjoyed that; concur on the "more young ladies around" thing. I guess at this age EVERYONE starts to seem young...

    1. Glad to hear you enjoyed it, Flip. Yes, the curse of all middle-aged men, it seems...still, to paraphrase Groucho Marx, getting older isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.


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