Sendai's Monad XVIII / Tate Britain Crowd Nightmare

Yves De Mey and Peter Van Hoesen's Sendai project continues with Monad XVIII on Stroboscopic Artefacts. It's a perfectly manicured razor-sharp set of sonic nails clawing your ears as you lock together, forming a beast with two backs, or rather, one back and four electronic musical parts which have wrestled you to the ground and penetrated your inner ear - it's love at first listen. (Stop it now! - inner Ed)

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The Turbine Hall entrance at Tate Modern yesterday

Went to Tate Modern yesterday to see the Malevich exhibition but it was full of Other People - the bastards! Most of them were probably there to see the Matisse Cut-Outs because they're pretty, or so we thought until we went into the Poetry and Dream section only to find people of all nations (except Britain) shuffling past the Picasso's and Dali's, or rather lingering in front of them for ages before shuffling on to clog up the rest of what was rightfully Our Space - the swines! They'd had their fill of Matisse and decided to gorge themselves on more Art, obviously. Thankfully, as you'd expect, they didn't pay much attention to things like the British Surrealist Group cabinet because, well, it wasn't Dali or Picasso or filled with nice paintings. It did, however, contain this photo which, upon closer examination, caused me to fall in love with Sheila Legge (second from right). I'm not the only one; apparently she had a secret affair with René Magritte. Lucky René! Not that I condone such behaviour. Still, LJ had to drag me away, causing a sound like a plumber's suction cup at work as my lips were wrenched from the glass.

So we didn't get to see the Malevich exhibition and the Poetry and Dream galleries were nightmarish, with the exception of dreamy Shelia and other great works which The Herd ignored, thus allowing us to appreciate them. This Art tourism game is way out of hand. How dare they all come here and ruin my afternoon! After half an hour I'd had enough. Malevich can wait...probably until a mid-week, first thing in the morning.