Saturday, 8 September 2012

Film: Looper

So you get sent back 30 years to be killed by your younger self. What a dilemma for you, facing you, who's looking at you and wondering what to do. You've been saved from a life of crime and drug addiction by a woman, but that turns out badly so when you go back you're going to put things right by changing what happened then.

Meanwhile, when I'm not blocking my ears from sound levels designed to bludgeon viewers into accepting all this hokum, I'm swigging free bottles of Budweiser and chomping on pizza, which was also free. Half an hour earlier I'd seen Jonathan Ross in the foyer, also enjoying his free pizza and bearded in a checked shirt and jeans, looking like someone impersonating Jonathan Ross quite badly. Further back in time I had a message from a friend asking me if I wanted to go to a preview of this film. Having looked up a couple of reviews it didn't seem like a bad idea.

Fast forward - when the kid with kinetic powers starts applying them fully I'm reminded of Carrie, which isn't good because by comparison this is lame film. And when Willis walks through a building with both guns blazing I'm reminded of how ridiculous modern 'thrillers' can be, and why I don't pay to watch them.

Looper probably offers almost everything the modern sci-fi geek wants, such as over-the-top action, A Concept, and a half-naked tart, although it lacks full designer futurism, opting instead for battered cars (guess what, the economy's not in good shape in The Future) and one whizzy air-bike. Oh, and you squirt your fix into your eye, which is convenient because it looks as if your just using Optrex. Talking of eyes, the brows on Joseph Gordon-Levitt are seriously wrong, and at times he looks like a mutant, when actually the make-up dept were supposed to give him a hint of Willis to make things credible.

If I could have gone back in time a couple of hours I would have stopped myself leaving the house, but  reality shouldn't be messed with otherwise the whole fabric of the space-time continuum gets destroyed, or something. My friend would have missed out on the CD I gave him too. On the plus side, I would have watched Gardeners' World on the telly.

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